An Authentic Life

As I sit here feeling at peace with my lot in life, I am reminded that this was not always the case.  There were many times where I felt like nothing was going right, even when looking at it from the outside in, it “looked” like the perfect life….or at least what I had always envisioned the “perfect” life to be. I had it all, if you consider what most of us seek.

I had the husband, two healthy accomplished children, the nice house, two cars in the garage, vacations every year, friends, family….yet something was missing.  After many detours in life I realized that what I described as the perfect life was all outside of me, when all the while what was missing was ME.  By that I mean the authentic me – not the woman who was the wife, mother, friend, daughter – but who I was at the core.  And with that a new journey unfolded.  A journey in search of Self.

It wasn’t until I found myself totally alone that I started to uncover who I was and who had been hiding all the while.  Now the reason for my aloneness was a choice and not something that I consciously chose.  My Soul had had it.  All the years of sadness and not feeling quite right continued no matter where I was nor who I was with.  I realized that I just kept coming back to the feeling of being different or not capable of having what others had.

And then a realization hit.  I had all that I really needed within me.  It was not something others could give me.  I had to dig deep to unearth all that I was and, who I now know myself to be.  My process had always been to be like others or at least feel like I was the same as others in my circles.  And that was where I had made the ultimate mistake.

If we try to be like others then are we being true to our own essence?  Are we judging our accomplishments by what others feel are accomplishments or are we judging ourselves by what our Soul dictates.  A lovely battle ensues between who we think we should be and who we, in reality, are.  Time for some hearty soul searching.

Now I am on my own.  I still have friends, family and a lovely home but now, who I bring to the mix, is me in all my own uniqueness and that is good.  Of course, many have left my world as I have come into my own.  You see not everyone gets me but I do.  I am not like any other and that is just perfect.  What I bring to the world is a beautiful desire to be all that I can be for me.

It does not matter now whether I am what others want me to be.  It is what I choose to be. And what have I discovered.  I am a loving, giving, caring, nurturing Being who only wants the best for others.  The work that I now do and for which I receive much in the way of acceptance and gratitude, fulfills my need to be authentic in whatever way that manifests.

In the end it is not who you are nor what you do, it is how you feel at the end of the day when your head hits the pillow.  I give from my heart and trust that I am in the perfect place for me.  It is not in how others see you.  It is only in how YOU see you and when I look in the mirror I can smile because now, finally, I am at peace with me and my place in the world and this is good.

May you all find the peace that you seek as you settle into your rightful place in the world.

Namaste

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